Plot Summary (Spoilers Follow)

The film opens in Mexico, where Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith (Liam Neeson) is being held captive. Left for dead by a pair of corrupt cops, he escapes into the desert to rescue a fellow Army Ranger, Templeton “Faceman” Peck (Bradley Cooper). En route, Hannibal encounters a disgraced Ranger, Basco B.A. Baracus (Quinton Jackson), and convinces him to aid in the rescue. On the run from the renegade Mexican forces, they stop at an army hospital to recruit H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock (Sharlo Copley), a mental patient and pilot. Fleeing in a medical chopper, they trick their pursuers into entering American airspace, where the renegades are shot down by the Air Force. This represents the culmination of Hannibal’s elaborate plan.

Eight years later, the team is now a decorated, elite combat unit stationed in Iraq. Hannibal is contacted by CIA Agent Lynch (Patrick Wilson). A group of Iraqi insurgents are transporting a set of US treasury plates being used to make counterfeit currency out of Baghdad. Against the advice of his commanding officer, General Morrison (Gerald McRaney) and Face’s former lover, Captain Sosa (Jessica Biel), Hannibal and the team recover the plates in an unofficial “black” operation. When the team returns to base, the container with the plates and Morrison’s Humvee are destroyed by contractors from the private security firm Black Forest, led by a mercenary named Pike (Brian Bloom). With Morrison dead, there is no record of the mission, and the four are arrested and sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Six months later, Lynch visits Hannibal in prison and reveals that Pike is trying to sell the plates with the help of a mysterious Arab. Hannibal strikes a deal with Lynch: in exchange for recovering the plates, the team will be reinstated with clean records. Lynch agrees and helps Hannibal escape. Hannibal frees Face, BA (who has found religion in prison and refuses to kill anymore) and Murdock. Sosa, convinced the team is in league with Pike, pursues them. While escaping from a German hospital, the team’s aircraft is destroyed by military drones. However, they escape inside a tank with parachutes, using the turret to maneuver.

The team tracks Pike, recovering the plates and capturing the Arab, who is revealed to be General Morrison. Morrison was working with Lynch and Pike to steal the plates, but faked his own death to double-cross Lynch. When Lynch discovers that Morrison is alive, he orders an air strike to eliminate the team. They escape, but Morrison, the only one who knows the team is innocent, is killed.

Desperate, Face comes up with a plan. Hannibal contacts Sosa (knowing she is being tapped by Lynch) and agrees to hand over Morrison and the plates at the LA docks in exchange for his freedom. Face then contacts Sosa on an untapped phone he had given her earlier. Lynch and Pike prepare to trap the team at the docks. Face has anticipated this, and executes an elaborate plan to draw Lynch into the open. However, when Pike uses a bazooka to sink the ship the team is using, the plan nearly falls apart until Pike is killed by BA. Lynch confronts Hannibal and a hooded figure he believes to be Morrison, shooting the figure in the head. Just as it seems as though Lynch has won, the container they are fighting in is lifted, revealing Sosa and a squad of Federal agents. The figure in the hood is revealed to be Murdock in a Kevlar helmet. Lynch is taken into custody, but the team is arrested again for escaping prison. Before he is taken away, Sosa kisses Face. As the frustrated team is taken away, Face produces a key from his mouth, repeating Hannibal’s catch-phrase: “I love it when a plan comes together.”

Anyone familiar with a flip book knows that when you put a series of still pictures together in succession, it can create the appearance of movement and activity. Sadly, this film does not seem to have mastered this basic principle of film making. The overall narrative of the film is incredibly disjointed and the plot is so poorly executed it is impossible to follow. Much of this is due to one critical error: there are three different factions chasing the team. As each of these factions schemes against and chases the others, it is easy to get them confused. Much of the time, the viewer will be trying to figure out who is chasing the team. Why the chase scene is occurring is too frequently a question that is also left unanswered. The villain’s motivations are never explained and their performances suffer as a result. In particular, Agent Lynch is portrayed as an inept bumbler, who will annoy viewers rather than intimidate or scare them. The character is such a pathetic caricature of a corrupt CIA agent that he is not even worthy of the title of comic relief. Biel’s character fairs little better, as it feels like her only role in the film is to look pretty for 90 minutes and kiss the hero at the end.

However, another reason for the film’s scattershot of a plot is that it tries to incorporate too many elements into the story. Viewers will find themselves confronted with an exhibition of clichéd twists: the jilted lovers confronting each other, the senior mentor who is revealed to be a traitor, the second in command taking his mentor’s place. The worst offender is the unnecessary subplot involving BA’s pacifism, which is unconvincing and immediately abandoned after a single lecture from Hannibal. None of these scenes are bound together convincingly into one grand narrative. The latter half of the film feels like watching several mediocre short films.

This is not to say that the film is a complete failure. A few of the individual scenes are good in and of themselves. The opening scene is decently exciting and does an admirable job establishing the personality of each of the four team members. That is where the film shines. The interactions between the four are genuine and often hilarious. While the action half of the action-comedy label is disappointing in the second half, the comedy in the first half of the film is genuinely funny. Face’s cool, quick wit is perfectly complemented by BA’s over the top personality and Murdock’s cartoonish ramblings.  All of this is brought together by a solid performance from Neeson’s Hannibal, whose calculating command provides their scenes with a focus that gave the initial action sequences purpose and direction. While some may criticize the individual characters as one dimensional, together the performances exceed the sum of their parts. These moments of comedic comity make the first half of the film enjoyable.

However, the uninspired series of action movie vignettes loosely attached to the first half lack any of these interactions. The fight sequences at the end of the film are dark and the camera is jerky, leading to a confusing and disappointing final confrontation. The ending is nonsensical and thoroughly disappointing. Pity the fools who sit through this entire movie. But if the viewer is in need of a decent laugh for 40 minutes and nothing else can help, maybe they should hire the A-Team.

The movie scored a major coup by having John Cusack, a star of many films of the 1980s, as the lead. By doing so, it allows the audience to ask what happened to the characters like Lloyd Dobler, who were supposed to live happily ever after their eighties exploits. The answer is that they are emotional nightmares, either too clingy or too cowardly or too antipathetic to have an actual successful relationship.

Cusack plays Adam, a forty-year old who can’t keep a girlfriend because he’s too compartmentalized. His friend Lou’s (Rob Corddry) attempted suicide prompts him and his friend Nick (Craig Robinson) to rent a cabin in the ski lodge where they had many fond memories. Along for the trip is Adam’s nephew Jacob (Clark Duke), who plays the straight man to the outrageous Coddry.

"It must be some kind of Hot Tub Time Machine"

When the protagonists arrive at the cabin, the place is in shambles, but that is no worry because a sagely repairman (Chevy Chase) is able to get the titular hot tub running and that’s really all you need for a party. Through a series of accidents, the hot tub transports them back to the 1980s, and that’s when the fun begins. References to many facets of eighties culture (and even contemporary culture) appear left and right- everything from “The Drive” to Michael Jackson is lampooned. The characters provide many humorous situations as they attempt to relive the past in an attempt to keep the future intact. But if Back to the Future has taught us anything, you can’t relive the past in the exact same manner (and to reinforce this fact, Crispin Glover has a supporting role as the hotel’s bellhop).

The only problem with Hot Tub Time Machine was the lack of development of certain subplots. Though the gang references a bad time in Cincinnati that led to a falling out of the main characters, the audience is never shown what exactly happened in the Queen City. Though it can be inferred that Adam did something that cemented his reputation as a self-absorbed jerk, a reveal of the exact incident (like the Albuquerque incident in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard) does not occur. Thus, Hot Tub Time Machine misses a key opportunity to provide more jokes and more humor.

However, this slight missed opportunity does not detract from the overall quality of the movie. This movie is destined to become a college humor classic with its many quotable lines and funny references. Plus, it’s a movie with a hot tub time machine- what can be wrong with that?

The only reason I look forward to the bitter deep winter months is because it is also awards season. It recent weeks we have had the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, and the Grammys. However, without a doubt, the most exciting and entertaining of all of the awards is the little golden man–Oscar.

Last year had some thrilling movie-going experiences. Avatar, Up in the Air, The Hurt Locker, Up, and The Hangover were my favorites and the Academy has recognized many of them in this year’s nominees. Yes, there are some surprises in the list.  The Blind Side is a Best Picture Nominee, Maggie Gyllenhaal for Best Supporting Actress, and no nominations for The Hangover. Of all of these, the lack of nominations for The Hangover was the most disappointing for me. This year, there are 10 Best Picture nominees, a move made to include more films and  to highlight some of the largely ignored genres. Except, they really didn’t do that–they still ignore great comedies.

Until I become a member of the Academy and bring some further amendments to the system, I am going to just give my selections from the nominees. In addition to my personal picks, I am going to highlight the films that are most likely to win.

Best Picture

• 

  Avatar

• 

  The Blind Side

• 

  District 9

• 

  An Education

• 

  The Hurt Locker

• 

  Inglourious Basterds

• 

  Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire

• 

  A Serious Man

• 

  Up in the Air

Should Win: The Hurt Locker was easily the most thrilling, tense movie I have ever seen in a movie theater. I was constantly holding my breath and sitting on the edge of my seat during the beautifully filmed bomb defusing scenes. However, the drama was nothing compared to the thought provoking message flashed across the screen at the beginning and explored throughout the film: “War is a drug”.

Will Win: Avatar. Although The Hurt Locker has a good chance of winning, the movie didn’t had the widespread appeal that the Best Picture Oscar usually goes to. Hollywood loves James Cameron and his film was certainly a phantasmagorical experience. It’s certainly deserving and its pretty likely that the popularity and critical acclaim will propel the film into the winner’s circle.

“Big Mike” (Quinton Aaron) is a very big boy. His size and color make him stick out like a “fly in milk” in the homogenous Memphis suburb.  Despite his raising (I use that word lightly as his mother crack addicted mother doesn’t know who he or his father is) Michael is an enormously shy boy. He is the perfect candidate for joining a gang in the inner city and hardly a candidate for the Christian day school a family friend tries to get him to attend.

Michael is an introverted boy who no one really knows much about. His aptitude tests place him at the lowest percentiles in almost every category and many write him off as stupid. However Michael isn’t stupid. He is just a shy boy who trusts no one and is haunted by the events of his childhood.

As previously mentioned, Michael is adopted by a white family and begins to have success. He is given every advantage he never had: clothes, bed, tutors, and more importantly, a loving family. Why are the Tuohy’s doing this? Some people in the community find it hard to understand.  Some friends see it as “white guilt” while others, including the NCAA, sees it as a ploy by the family to get the fabulous football star to go to the Tuohy’s alma mater, Ole Miss.

Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock) is Michael’s biggest supporter. She has the initial idea of helping him by inviting them into their home. Additionally, she tracks down his mother and finally decides adopt him. Her motives aren’t clear at the beginning, but the film frames it within the Christian beliefs of the family. Leigh Anne’s actions are initially pure charity, but in my mind her actions were never selfish, rather she truly wanted to help Michael. Frankly it was a great movie to see to start the holiday season. Its important message could be misconstrued by some as pure propaganda about the inability for blacks to have success in the United States without help. This view is ridiculous and a view without merit. It was a great story made all the better because it is true.

The only problem with the film is some of the acting. While Sandra Bullock and Quinton Aaron’s acting is fair enough, certain other roles are not nearly as good. The younger brother, played by Jae Head, is completely overacted. Although there are some funny lines and situations involving the small boy, he often overemphasized when delivering the lines that made certain sections of the dialogue uncomfortable.

Nevertheless, the movie’s story and message are moving. The Blind Side attempts to give the hopeless hope, and succeeds in doing so. The strength of the story helped me overlook some of the weaker technical elements of the film. I’m sure that you will also be inspired by the young man’s journey.

This summer, studios have expanded the reach of the typical “guy comedy” movie. Movies such as The Hangover have broad appeal due to the affability of their characters, which allows an advertising executive to spin the movie as being about friendship, thereby overshadowing some of the movie’s raunchiest bits.  The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard does not fit in with this expansion. This lack of conformity is why I enjoyed the movie. It is rude, crass, and ultimately hilarious.

Before this review progresses any further, a word of warning: if you do not enjoy blue humor, you will not enjoy The Goods (the title is abbreviated from this point forward in this review because the full title is absolutely asinine). Many people do not enjoy blue humor, which is why The Goods currently has only 27% favorable reviews according to internet aggregator Rotten Tomatoes while the Disney Channel teen comedy BandSlam is “certified fresh” at 80%. Many people are morons as well, all making the same cash for clunkers joke while calling the movie offensive.

Jeremy Piven portrays Don Ready, a fixer for used car lots that have fallen on hard times. His job is to sell cars by any means necessary, and those means increase in absurdity and hilarity as the movie progresses. Assisting him in his goal are Brent Gage (David Koechner), Babs Merrick (Kathryn Hahn), and Jibby Newsome (Ving Rhames). Headlining his first film since 1994’s PCU, Piven uses the overconfident personality that he has developed as Ari Gold on Entourage to ensure a fair amount of laughs. Rhames is on a quest to “make love” (but make no mistake, he has had sex) and consistently delivers some of the best lines in the movie (you’ll never think of James Van Der Beek in the same way again). Unfortunately, Koechner and Hahn fade to the periphery. While each of them deliver quality comedic moments, they either come too infrequently in the case of Koechner or the character disgusts you so much that you don’t want to see her on the screen in the case of Hahn.

They've got The Goods.

Aside from Ready’s team, the movie presents a supporting cast of ridiculous characters, including a xenophobic World War II veteran turned car salesman (Charles Napier), a dealership owner with homoerotic tendencies (James Brolin), the leader of a boy band for men who wants to see the dealership fail so that he can have more rehearsal space (Ed Helms), an unfortunately named DJ who does not live up to his name (Craig Robinson), and his former car sales partner (Will Ferrell in an outstanding cameo role). Piven plays the straight men to these characters and others that I did not mention, and much of the movie’s humor comes from the interaction between them. It is in this regard that I must compliment Neal Brennan, co-creator of Chappelle’s Show and the director of the movie. Because most of the movie is based upon interaction of a plethora of characters, it is essential that there is quality direction. Otherwise, the movie would have meandered through its own jokes.

The best way to describe this movie would be to call it a mile a minute comedy. There is a plot, but the real fun comes from the rapid-fire pace of the one-liners scattered through the movie. In this regard, The Goods resembles last year’s summer breakout comedy, Tropic Thunder. However, while Tropic Thunder only connected on about roughly 60%-70% of its jokes, The Goods connects on 90% of them. While there are many scenes that could be considered extraneous, you don’t mind viewing them because they keep you in stitches.

Was this scene unnecessary? Yes. Did it stop me from enjoying the movie? No.

The only cringe-worthy moments of this movie were when Hahn interacted with Rob Riggle’s character, a ten-year old boy who has a forty-year old’s body due to a pituitary problem. She obviously lusts for him, which is okay in real life, but not when he is supposed to be a ten-year old. Thankfully, this subplot is not pursued for more than five minutes. Otherwise, the movie would have been turned from a comedy to a bad episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

In this era where romantic comedies and bromances have become top earners, I’m glad that there are movies that can deliver the funny from beginning to end. The raunchy comedy is an art form and there is more potential to miss the mark and create a bad film, because there is little story upon which to fall back. For every Old School, there is Miss March and a Meet the Spartans. The Goods definitely belongs with the former, and not the latter.